Saturday, March 21, 2015

Mama... just killed a man...

Well. We have a regular customer. You know those regulars.

He complains about everything to anyone who will lend an ear. Burger too well done, burger not done enough, too much sauce, not enough sauce, too much broth, too much chicken, it never ends. Keep in mind he sits and reads his paper for twenty minutes and wonders why his coffee is cold. You've waited tables for three days, you know this man.

So I decided, next time I get a complaint, (AKA next time I waited on him), I was going to say something. This night, the coffee was warm and the food cold. I tried to see what I could do - take it back, nuke it, give him something else. No. "You're going to take it back cold and it's going to come back cold. I don't know why I come back here anymore."

"Well, you find something to complain about every time you come in, I don't know why you come back either."

He told me he was here for the "good" years, and now apparently the "bad" years. I told him we're getting new customers, we're advertising, etc etc and we have NOT had complaints.

He finally pays and leaves, taking the burger home for the dog. He's still in the parking lot when we close up about 45 minutes later, so we knock on his window and he says he's waiting for an ambulance. They come, they take him, a friend picks his car up the next morning and I hope I didn't give him a heart attack.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A prayer for the feeble-minded.

I had an interesting interaction today. An elderly gentleman came in today, wanting to order a to-go. The host directs him to me, so I greet him and the following exchange occurs:

Blondie: What would you like, sir?
Elderly Gentleman: I want dinner, but I don't want mashed potatoes.
B: Sure, you can replace that. What would you like for dinner?
EG: Good, can I get french fries instead?
B: Of course, but what is the entree?
EG: They've made it for me before, and it comes with a salad. I just don't want mashed potatoes.
B: Okay.. but... what do you want?
EG: I want dinner to go.
B: Okay, well you have to tell me what you want for dinner. Do you want to look at the menu?
EG: No, no, I had it before. I just don't want mashed potatoes, and I want a salad.

At this point I realize he's a little.. not all there. So I try to avoid getting frustrated and help him out.

B: Okay, do you want chicken, turkey, roast beef, a sandwich? What are you looking for?
EG: Yeah, sure, roast beef, and french fries and a salad.
B: Well, sir, I just want to make sure you're getting what you want, and I can't do that if you don't specify so I can tell the kitchen.
EG: They made it for me before. I just don't want mashed potatoes.

Now, I'm getting a little confused myself and my co-worker can see I'm starting to get annoyed, so she butts in and tells me he normally gets the roast chicken. I ask him if he wants that, and he's saying 'Yeah, sure, I just want dinner' again. I told my co-worker to just take it, because apparently she's waited on him before. She told me later he reminds her of her dad, whose brain is also a little fuddled. When he left, he gave her a 10 and me a 5, which I tried to refuse, but he insisted since "I got no better use for it and at least you tried!"
I hope I'm like that when I'm older. I mean, you can't take it with you when you go.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Opinions, y'all.

I'm sure this is a big issue in more-employed restaurants. What do you guys think about dating a co-worker? Or not even dating, just friends-with-benefits?

Monday, August 25, 2014


I pick up shifts. We all like to do a favor, to make some money.

I picked up four shifts last week, half and half server/hostess. They asked me for one this weekend and I said no.

No one said, 'thank you' for the coverage. But the one I can't do blankets it all, because I said no.
I don't mind doing favors, sometimes I'm even looking for an extra day, and that would be a favor to me due to the extra money. However, I have a life outside of my job. Sometimes I don't want to work an extra shift, sometimes I CAN'T work an extra shift. Why should I be punished for that?

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I should not have done this.

I found myself perusing some reviews of local restaurants, not just my own.

"It's almost 2014. There are more than two types of sweeteners for coffee and I expect and demand the raw sugar. Luckily I brought my own."
really. REALLY. The usual sweeteners are Equal, Splenda, Sweet'n'Low. You go to a diner and expect raw sugar. Go to Starbucks. Besides, you carry it around with you? Why would you demand it? Good lord.

"they closed in 30 minutes and a new table of 6 should be good for business."
Oh, honey. 3/4 of the restaurant is cleaned out and you just added 45 minutes to my shift.

A few of the reviews are completely justified - undercooked food, inattentiveness by staff. But reading through these things.. it really reminds you that people should work in a food-service job for a week before they come up with this business. And constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY, why is the server somehow blamed for poor food quality? "the plates look like the waitress shoved the uneaten slop for other plates onto yours and served it."
I did see a few that gave me hope - 'food was okay, but service was great!' type stuff. 

It just hurts my heart that people will look down upon cooks/servers/busboys/bartenders/fastfoodworkers/whathaveyou but y'all at McDonald's or a late-night diner 10 minutes to close expecting prompt perfect give-you-a-blowjob-with-your-meal service and be complaining when your mayo takes another thirty seconds because I have to go in the walk-in for it. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

I need an explanation.

I have a lady in my section tonight with her husband.
She seems a little cranky, annoyed by questions such as 'what would you like to drink?' or 'soup or salad?' I know, I'm intrusive.

I deliver, I do the two-minute check, and a bit later I realize she has her plate pushed to the side with about 3/5th left on the plate.
"Would you like a box?"
"Oh, was there something wrong with it?" or something to that effect.

Now, here's where I get confused.
"Well, honey, I am NOT going to APOLOGIZE for having a small appetite."
..okay. I wasn't asking you to. I'm doing my job and making sure your dining experience is every little thing you wanted, you old twat.
I was almost floored, I stuttered something about, "oh! well, I just wanted to make sure, you didn't eat much and didn't want to take it home, I would have gotten you something else if you didn't like it!"
She just smirked like, "I'm done with you now."

She stared me down for the next half hour until they left.

I have never had a more random complaint then since I was scolded for being 'too nice.'
Where where WHERE do people get this shit?!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Have you ever heard of Portuguese Wine?

Bless their souls, this million-year old couple come in every now and again. The husband orders 'Portuguese Wine.' The first time I served them, I was confused. I told him we don't serve alcohol, and he responds, "Yes, I've had it here before."
"No sir, we've never served alcohol."
Turns out he means root beer. ?!!!
I tell him I've never heard of that phrase, where did it come from? He says, "From me!"

Well, that's one hurdle down. Now, the lady asks me what soup we have that night.
"Chicken rice and beef macaroni."
"No noodle soup?"
"No ma'am, chicken noodle is on Saturdays."
"But... I've had noodle soup here before!"
"Well, ma'am, it must have been a Saturday."
This poor thing had a real boner for some noodle soup. As I walk away, I hear, "I really wanted some noodle soup..."

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Getting the word out.

What are your restaurant's methods for garnering attention? How do they advertise?
For my readers that aren't servers (to begin with or anymore), what's the best publicity stunt you've seen from a restaurant?

On the other hand, I had a lady send back a vodka penne dish because she didn't realize there would be vodka in it and she doesn't drink. Eye roll eye roll eye roll.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Snowed in.

So, we've been having a lot of snow lately. Yes, I know you are all shocked and confused.
Yesterday, we were were supposed to get 8-10, but it stopped about 10am and was maybe... 3-4. Nevertheless, I live in more of a backwoods area and on the lucky chance that the roads get plowed, we have a private contractor that does the driveway. It didn't seem too bad, until I went out for the mail and slipped in the road on ice, then tried to get my car out and was stuck.

I called them and told them I just didn't feel comfortable driving, and even if I did, they wouldn't see me until 7pm if I shoveled my driveway. The host told me 'the other girl already called out, we have no one. do you want to talk to the boss?' ...sure?
Boss: "Hello?"
Me: "I don't know why he wanted me to talk to you. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him."
Boss: "Well, we don't have anyone."
Me: "Well... that's not my fault, but I can't drive."

He has a big car and came to get me, but were they really expecting me to risk my life driving on ice because someone else called out? Why can she call out and not me?
Come to find out, they had a day-shift girl stay with me, and one was willing to stay and close.
So not only did I not need to come in, I had maybe 6 tables from 2-7pm. I honestly wanted to cry, I am so tired of this snow and this job.

However, the cook/owner that had come to pick me up came back on his night off in order to take me home. It's confusing that half these people I would trust with my life, while the other would throw me under the bus.