Tuesday, June 28, 2011

What a surprise.

I had a table of two ladies that irritated me tonight.
Seriously, girls, do you have to be so freaking uptight that someone younger than you is in your presence? I'll be your age, too, one day, and I will be extra nice to my servers.

They come in and promptly start ignoring me when I ask for their drink order. Okay, I can deal with that. They're here to catch up more than they are to eat.
So now whenever I approach the table, I say, "Excuse me, ladies..." so they have to cue to stop gossiping and give me the answers I need to get out of their way.
But still, my doing my job is just ramming whatever stick they have up their asses further in.
They sneer and ask arrogant questions about the menu. They sneer (if they respond at all) when I ask them if they need anything else. They sneer when I ask them how everything is.
When Head Bitch has ONE BITE left of her food, I return.
Blondie: "Excuse me, are you two finishing up? Can I get anything else for you tonight?"
Head Bitch: "Well, I'm not finished yet, so I don't know, do I?"
Blondie: Eyebrow raise. Retreat.

Okay, fine. So I wait, and I wait, and I wait some more. I am extra friendly to the tables in their vicinity. She pushes her plate to the side and I make her wait an extra five minutes before I return.
"Oh, good! Are you finished? I wanted to make sure everything was finished before I came back. I can take this... if you're finished."

Another sneer.
But that passive-aggressive shit really gets me through the night.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Blondie's Sunday Night Pet Peeve

When I come in for the night shift, I do a cursory check to make sure we have everything we need for the night. Dressings, puddings, bread, etc etc.
However, it never fails that the one thing I forgot to check, didn't think to look for, or just underestimated is the thing that I (always me!) need. Last night it happened three times, and I thought I was going to slap everyone in the place. Need strawberry ice cream? It was left empty. Mint chocolate chip? Also not replaced. Coleslaw? Empty and no one put a back-up in the walk-in.
I really came up with some new bad words, as I was cursing a blue streak. So, I guess that's a good thing.

Sunday, June 26, 2011


I've been a bad little blogger lately. I'm still working as much as I can (because I am clearly a crazy person), but lack stories.

I'm about to go in two hours early because they have a big party coming in and apparently no one wants to actually work. I don't mind making a few extra bucks, but it's just frustrating and tiring to feel like I'm the only one actually making an effort.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I'm going to petition for a shift drink.

I really needed one tonight.
We had two graduations, three servers, and a whole bunch of assholes. I feel like recalling it all will just be more exhausting and make me angry all over again, so I'll save it for another day and write about what I originally intended to - pranks.

Pranks in the workplace are always funny. There are the classics, like putting salt in someone's coffee or convincing the new guy they have to do a whole bunch of extra work. We convinced a new(ish) girl who covered someone's shift that she wasn't allowed to do certain things on Tuesdays, and she had to do everything exactly as the person who she was covering for - like getting us water ice across the street or ordering a liverwurst and onion sandwich for dinner. She was a great sport about it, and ribbed us right back.

Some of the good stories I've heard include an older lady who was at the diner for years before moving on. The girl who trained me used to tie her apron in knots every day when she wasn't looking so she couldn't get it off. One day, the bus boys filled her car with to-go boxes, mops, anything they could find. She ran through the kitchen holding the mop trying to find them, and they ran out the other door and put another mop in her car! They must have gone in circles three times before she caught them. Imagine a pack-a-day voice coming out of a little old lady calling them cocksucking motherfuckers.

Lately, we've been having fun with a life-like toy lizard. We put it on top of the french fry bag and ordered a sandwich. The poor cook screamed like hell and ran out cursing. Then, we got his roommate to put it on his pillow that night. The best part was he didn't turn on the light for some reason, but woke everyone in the house when he starting screaming bloody murder at 3am when he noticed it.

Anyone care to contribute?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I'm back!

First of all, happy fathers' day to any daddy readers I may have.
I would like to thank my father for his good genes, so I can be as cute as I am today. Thanks, dad!

Now, to my Sunday Night Pet Peeve!
I don't understand why people feel the need to answer a question one way and a different way when asked by a manager-type person.

Teenage boy has chocolate milk. He chugs it before the food comes out and I ask him if he wants a refill.
"No, I'll wait till my sandwich comes."
A few minutes later I see my manager getting a chocolate milk.
"Uhhhmmm... is that for table three?"
"Yeah, he had an empty glass and said he wanted another."
WTF kid. I just asked you thirty seconds ago, and now I look like a ditz who can't do my job. Thanks for nothing, asshole.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Taking a break from the whining...

and general restaurant complaints.

I'mmmm excited! Everything's coming up BLONDE.

I've finalized my schedule for next semester, and I'm (95% certain) graduating in December!
I've gone through a lot of crap with school (dropping out to change majors/schools, being jerked around by admissions, etc etc) and it feels so incredible, almost surreal, to be ready to move on.
I'll officially have an associates' degree, and well on my way to my bachelors'. And hell, why not masters while I'm at it?!

I've also lost 10 pounds! Since being able to drink legally (and some seriously bad caloric decisions last summer) my body was not happy with me, and I was not happy with my body. I'm now watching what I eat and exercising regularly. It's awesome to see results.

Last, but certainly not least, I'm going on vacation tomorrow! 6 days on the beach, filling my ass up (not literally) with sun, sand, and liquor. So if I don't post tonight/tomorrow morning, have a great week, and I'll be back with fresh bitching next weekend.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Breakfasts suck.

Why? Because people are idiots.
We have a page of breakfast specials, which is a breakfast, coffee or tea, and a small juice.
Breakfasts are such things as: two eggs (any style), pancakes and eggs (any style), chipped beef on toast, two eggs (any style) and choice of breakfast meat.

CONSTANTLY, people will say "I'll have a number six." and close the menu.
Uhm..... so many questions. How would you like your eggs? What kind of meat? Coffee or tea? What kind of juice? What kind of toast?
Sometimes I'll stare at them in wait and hope they notice. They usually don't. Then I have to painstakingly go through this exchange:
"How would you like your eggs?"
"Oh! Scrambled."
"...and your meat?"
"Oh! Bacon."
"Oh! White."
"....Sigh .....Double Sigh. Coffee? Tea? Juice?"
"OH! Coffee. Cranberry juice."

You would think by the first or second question they would realize.
Work with me here, people. Or you're getting over easy, sausage, white toast, decaf tea and oj. Probably with some of my bodily fluids in it.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Blondie's Sunday Night Pet Peeve #10


I mean, the kind that will finish their soda before you even come back to take their order. And then finish another one before you bring their food. And then three more during the course of the meal. How thirsty can you be, bitch?

On this note, I can't stand when I'm handing food out and I hear "I need another Pepsi." "Can we get more napkins?"
My tray is still half full. I'm not going to throw the thing on the table and run away, reappearing only to drop off your check. I will ask if you need anything else, if you just wait ONE FREAKING MINUTE.

Friday, June 3, 2011

I waited on Edward Cullen.

Not literally, so anyone who only wants to read about the dude from Twilight should leave this page.

Let me start by saying today sucked. Crappy customers, crappy tips, crappy coworkers, crappy cooks. Just a big ol' pile of crap. I had my pissy pants on and was not taking shit from my tables.

However, that doesn't have too much to do with the story. I was just in a terrible mood and my last table made me giggle every time I went to them.
It was two ladies. One was unremarkable, unless you count the fact that she was obese.
The other was a sight to behold. I don't know what sort of body shimmer or glowtion or what she had going on, but her skin was covered in sparkles. Bitch was glistening, twinkling, glossy, and lustrous. It was so silly to me for some reason, and helped me leave work in a better mood than I came in.