Sometimes you can't help yourself.

I don't like rednecks. I don't like their dirty clothes, dirty faces, dirty jokes, etc.
We have one group, three couples total I believe, that come in various combinations. They are all.. so special. They've been.. tolerable so far. They leave 18% usually, and as long as I'm in a good mood and don't take them too seriously I only get mildly annoyed.
However, for some reason, when three of them came in on Monday, I just was not having it. We were busy and already had my pissy pants on. So I grabbed their drinks and their food order with minimal interaction, and got it started. The woman (who honestly seemed a little drunk, she kept putting her head down on the table) ordered a roast half chicken, which takes ten minutes when we're not busy. After about five minutes, I noticed they were glaring at me every time I walked by. I smiled, I got refills without speaking to them, I carried on my merry way. About five minutes after THAT, (so we just hit ten minutes on a dinner that would take at least that long on a good night) my MOD says, "Blondie, you need set-ups for table 4."
The head redneck (headneck?) yells across the diner, "YEAH, and we need our dinner!"
MOD and I both looked over in shock, and I couldn't stop myself. "Well, do you want it now, or do you want it to be cooked?"
Luckily it was awesome MOD and she just bust out laughing and we went in the kitchen where I told her the whole story.
Her response? "Fuuuuuck them."

I can't stop giggling.

We have this one couple, the guy is just some fat douche with a low IQ, and the woman is on.. something. Some sort of pills. She's always really slow and really loopy. But that's pretty much irrelevant. They came in the other night, and someone else was their server.
I overheard this: "What are your vadge-tables today?"

And now I can't stop thinking of a garden growing out of a lady's crotch and I'm crying laughing.

My second complaint in five years.

Was also a bunch of horseshit. So on Mondays, I'm all alone from 2-4. Last Monday was Labor Day, we weren't expecting to get busy, but we had a little hit. I wasn't worried, I ran my little tail off and got shit done.
I had one table of kinda trashy women. A mom and two daughters. They were a little annoying, a little needy, but by no means the worst I had seen. At one point, the mom asked me, "Are you all alone?" I told her, "Yes, until four! We usually don't expect this many customers at this time, so I appreciate your patience." Or some other crap I didn't mean. I appreciate your fat ass ordering and stop trying to make conversation because I know you see three other tables flagging me down.
The table next to them was also a couple dicks. Those geriatrics figure they did their waiting to get to 100 years of age, they shouldn't have to wait 5 more for their well done hamburger. I come over with their food, smiley and bubbly as usual.
"Here we go! Thanks for bearing with me, hopefully it will be worth the wait!"
"Oh... we thought you forgot about us!"
"No, ma'am, how could I forget you? But as you can see, we just have me and one cook so I have my hands full! Let me refill your water, I'll be right back!" It's amazing how serving can teach you to make your face and mouth do the exact opposite of the murderous thoughts in your brain.

So, I continue running around, but make sure everyone has as much attention as I can give them and never take the stupid goony fake-ass grin off my face. I check back with the three fatties, "oh, everything's fine, everything's fine." "Okay guys, if there's nothing else, I'll be right back with your check!"

After things had died down and the MOD and I are clearing up, she says, "That table on 6 complained about you. She said you had an attitude and snapped at the table next to them, charged them wrong, and that we should look into getting better help. She said she wouldn't be back." ..Well, that explains the lack of tip. But the promise of them not returning was a nice thought. I told her the real story and we giggled and thought nothing more of it.

Well, she came back today (liar!), and complained to her waitress, other customers, and finally the owner. She claimed I charged her wrong (I didn't, but the manager took the money off that day anyway so she would shut up and leave), and got nasty with her. In her story, she made an innocent and simple request - more ranch, I assume - and I barked at her, "Can't you see I'm all alone here?!"
The MOD from Labor Day tried to explain to the boss that is NOT what happened, but he's of the 'the customer is always right' camp and wouldn't listen. Luckily, he also hates confrontation with the parties involved and said nothing to me.

I was upset for about 2.5 seconds that there was a lie about me going around.. but then, I just couldn't make myself care more than that. I've been at the place five years, everyone knows I would never do anything like that to a customer. So fat bitch liar cuntsucking motherfucker, you can eat my dick.