Saturday, February 19, 2011

A short break.

A) This bitch is going to Vegas on Monday
B) This DUMB bitch broke her laptop.
So I will be gone for about a week.

I leave you with this question: why do people get so tense over who pays the check?
One time, a man, his mother-in-law, and about six other people at this table had their hands practically in my mouth, they were so close to my face trying to grab this check. I gave it to the hand directly in front of my eyeballs, which turned out to be the son-in-law. I seriously thought the mother-in-law was going to pop me one.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I just gave it to whoever was closest."
I was thinking, "Thank god it wasn't this old bitch, I would have gotten ten percent if I was lucky."

She looked desperately put out.
"But I was sitting RIGHT HERE," she snapped.

I giggled and walked away. Not my problem anymore.

I always want to ask "Well, who leaves bigger tips?" when people fight over the check, but I don't think I would get an honest answer. Or a tip.


  1. I toss it into the center of the table and walk away! :)

  2. Hi...just found your blog (courtesy of the link on the *awesome* Purplegirl's blog) and I'm enjoying reading it. Just wanted to toss my 2 cents in and say that when people fight over the bill, I actually DO dangle the bill above the table and ask "who's the better tipper?" with a huge smile of course, just in case. Almost always, everyone laughs, but the seed has been planted in their brains none the less. And almost always, I end up with an AMAZING tip! And no one has ever gotten the slightest bit upset over it.

    FYI, I started doing this many years ago (15-ish years ago...FML) when a very elderly woman literally DOVE across the table trying to snatch up the bill...I thought she was going to break a hip or something, and decided I needed a system for this type of situation. Reminding the table that the only interest I have in who pays the bill is, in fact, the TIP, has been quite profitable for me. Give it a try! :)