So, last night I had a party of eight.
Seven women, one man. This man was old as shit. Like, old as caveman shit.
He was the first to arrive for their reservation. We told him he was the first to arrive, and the table was set up back there for him. He told us a strange, rambling joke. We stared at him blankly, until we realized he already told the punchline and we chuckled uncomfortably.
I said, "Okay...well.... I'll be taking care of you tonight. Why don't you head back to your table and I can grab you something to drink?"
He got uncomfortably close to me and told me water was fine.
The rest of the party arrives. Dinner goes smoothly. Separate checks, of course.
For some reason, Old Man River thought his check should have been less. I pointed out that I was, in fact, correct. He paid his bill while a co-worker and I start clearing the table.
He comes back to tell me, "Sorry about the mix-up." I say it's okay and he HUGS ME.
I squirm out from his grip and tell him to have a great night.
As he leaves I hear.. "Thank you, love you!"