What day is it?

I've been picking up extra shifts and covering for people and going in early and working late and I don't even know what the date is anymore. And the customers are getting weirder and weirder.

• "Can we order anything on the menu or is it just this page?"
  Why the fuck would I give you a whole six page menu if you could only order 10 things?
• "How are your tomatoes?"
  Sandwich tomatoes? Salad tomatoes? What are you even asking me?
• "I gave up drinking for Lent."
  Seriously. This guy would not even take a glass of water and it was about a month after Easter.
• "What kind of spaghetti do you have?"
  Uh, regular kind? Turned out she meant 'pasta' and was just using 'spaghetti' as a blanket term.
• The lady who asked me questions about four different things on the menu and then said "Oh, I'll just have the other one." "Which one?" "The other one." "Which other one?" "The other one!"
  

As I've said before, all you can do is break into giggles at this point.

Overheard at the Diner

"I went to see my boy Hobo Jack and he hooked me up."

HA!

I feel insulted.

This lady the other day boned me on multiple levels.

She asked me about my natural hair color, which is fine, I get it all the time.
Then she asks me how long I've worked there, etc.


Then she says "Oh, so are you doing anything else with your life?"
A lot of people know I also go to school, they ask me how it's going and such, but no one has ever straight up talked to me like I was a failure for being a server.
So what if I wasn't going to school? I have a job that pays the bills and for the most part I enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that and I was pretty offended.

Then it got weirder. She said "Oh, that's good. You know, you're a very pretty girl."
What the shit? Should I have said "No, I'm just waitressing until some Tiger Woods type comes and scoops up my sorry ass to be his trophy wife. Or mistress. I plan on getting by on my looks, so thanks for reinforcing my self esteem"?

And the 15% tip really helped too. Thanks, dickworm.

Monday Night Reasons I Like My Job #7

On the right day! I'm so proud of myself.

On Mondays, we have a great crew. Me, two other girls about my age, and an awesome hostess.
We laugh, we tell dirty jokes, we gossip, etc.

Even when it's slow (as in, we had one table that left at 7 and didn't see another one until 7:30), we can sit around and talk about "I Survived" and other crap shows. I made barely any money, but still had a great time.

I'm dumb.

I guess all my years of schooling did not teach me how to read a calendar, and I did a Sunday Night Pet Peeve on Saturday. So, to honor this blonde moment, I'll write about another one I had a few months ago.

During the winter, we serve homemade chili. They make it in massive quantities and reheat as needed.
I waited on a nice couple who had never been in the diner before. I love doing this, because it gives me an opportunity to show my knowledge of the menu and make sure they have a good experience. It makes me super happy when people enjoy their first time and say they'll definitely be back.
So, anyway, this guy is asking about the chili and decides to try a bowl. We didn't have any out, so the cook grabs some while I go back out to get the rest of their order.
As I'm sure it is in most kitchens, the soups and such are sitting underneath where we pick up so the girls can grab it themselves. The chili was out, so I get a bowl and take it out. A few seconds later, there's another bowl on the line one of the cooks put out for me to pick up.
I say, "Don't worry, I already got it."

The rest of the meal is uneventful, they enjoy everything and ask for the check. They man says, "I wanted to ask you something. Is your chili always served cold?"
I respond, "Uhm.... no... was yours?" He had eaten all of it.
"Yeah, I mean it was still delicious, I had just never eaten it chilled like that and I thought that's the way you guys did it, like gumbo!"

The cook had heated up a bowl for me and put the rest into the steam table. I took cold chili and didn't realize it. Thank god the guy still liked it.

Blondie's Sunday Night Pet Peeve #9

How can I wait on two tables at the same time, give the same service, and receive the same tip on two different bills?

A single man left me 2 on 9, while the couple right behind him left me 2 on 20. The fuck.

Only one thing pissed me off today.

so that's cool.

so, we recently got new menus. new specials and a price raise. people still come in and ask for a few of the old specials, and usually we'll still make them.
A couple comes in and the lady is asking after.. we'll call it the Jersey Burger. I explained we got new menus, but if she remembered what was on it, we could either find something similar or just go ahead and make it. She didn't remember and had me ask around. "Manager, do you remember what was on the Jersey Burger?" "Co-workers, do you remember what was on the Jersey Burger?" Finally, the cooks remembered, and I reported back.
"It has cheddar cheese, fried onions, and bacon."
"Oh, okay," she says. "We need another minute."

This was slightly aggravating. You got a boner for this burger and made me find out what was on it, and now you don't want it?
So, they order. A lot of food. Soups, two appetizers, and two burgers. She gets the Jersey Burger.
I bring out the soups. She makes me take her coffee back because the "saucer was dirty." It was a drip of coffee from the pour. Okay.
I bring out the apps. They seem happy so far.
I bring out the burgers. She looks at it like I served her a dead rat on a bun. With a side of fries.
"I don't like cheddar cheese. I wanted provolone."
UHM. I respond, "I told you it was cheddar... should I take it back?"
"Yeah, I hate cheddar. I want provolone."

There are so many things wrong with this. She purports that she used to get this all the time, but she doesn't like the cheddar cheese that came on it? I remind her what was on it, cheddar cheese, and she orders it anyway? What WORLD is she living in??

Luckily, the cheese was on the on the bun, not the burger - we could just switch out the bun for one with provolone on it and all was well. They left me 20% and I was pleased.

Other than that slight snag, which mostly baffled me rather than upset me, today's shift was quite nice. A little slow, but I still made my usual amount for a Friday day shift.

We got another new cook.

This one can't read. Or listen. I will give several instances.

We still use handwritten checks, no computers. We use a carbon sheet, so the top check is for us/the guest, and the bottom (the dupe) is for the kitchen.
We give the kitchen the dupe and usually holler out what we need.
For example, we may write "chix chs stk fr on" and holler out "chicken cheesesteak with fried onions" when we put in the order. Simple stuff.

Okay, so let's talk new cook.

• I put in an order for a chef salad no carrots and a chicken caesar. I read it to him. I receive a chef salad with carrots and a greek salad.
  
• Chicken breast with fried onion and mushrooms, I get chicken breast with a giant side of fried peppers.
  
• Two cheese omelettes, one homefry/one french fry and two pork roll cheese sandwiches, one french fry/one nothing. I read it. He repeats it back to me wrong. I read it again. He asks me, and I read it again. When the food is almost ready, he asks me again and I tell him again. I get two omelettes with french fries and two sandwiches with homefries. Exhausting.
  
• Every time we put in an order for the Athenian Meatball special, we either get veal or spaghetti.
  
• My personal favorite: M puts in an order for a caesar salad, dry. The customer wanted a different dressing. When the salad was ready, this is what happened.
  New Cook: "You want caesar dressing?"
  M:"No, I got the dressing."
  NC proceeds to slather the caesar dressing all over the salad.
  M: "What the hell are you doing?!"
  NC: "Honey, I ask you if you want dressing!"
  M: "AND I SAID NO!"
  I can't stop laughing at that one.
  

The list goes on and on.

Monday Night Reasons I Like My Job #6

They like me, they really like me!
I can be a bit of a complete narcissist at times, and I love attention.
My nether regions become damp with joy when I have new views on my blog, even more so when I get comments. I shudder with happiness when I get a request at the diner. It's been happening more and more lately, either because I'm officially one of the senior members of the staff or because of my winning personality. I assume it's the latter, because I am freaking awesome most of the time.

I especially love it when I'm not expecting it. A few older couples have seen me when they came in and said "Oh, blondie's here! Where's your station, honey?" It's usually the ladies, for some reason. Maybe men feel weird about asking the youngest waitress in the joint to wait on them.

Blondie's Sunday Night Pet Peeve #8

We have a serious language barrier at work.

Our chef is Greek. Or possibly Spanish, I'm not sure.
Our cooks and busboys are Turkish.
Our dishwashers are Mexican.
Our waitresses are American.

This is fine. Most times I can speak slowly, with lots of hand motions and get my point across. It's not offensive, I promise. Or maybe it is, I don't care.
What bothers me is our one busboy does not even try to make us understand! I will ask him for something and he will go off on a Turkish rant. Or he'll just see me and go off on a Turkish rant. And then laugh uproariously. He doesn't point at anything, speak slowly, give examples, draw pictures, send smoke signals, anything. He just doesn't care if I understand him or not, and he's probably cursing my family. I find that frustrating. And rude.
Sometimes the others will go off on rants in their own languages as well, but making it obvious they are talking about us. Also frustrating and rude.

My motto at work is usually "I don't understand what you're saying, so I'm going to go ahead and ignore you."