Happy Holidays, y'all!

I don't care what you celebrate, or what you don't.
But your server appreciates your holiday thoughts - be it a big tip, a card, a candle, what have you.
I've gotten some pretty generous tips the past few days, candy, etc. Obviously I don't mind the extra money if that's what it is, but I honestly always feel honored when a customers thinks of me on their own time.

That said, enjoy this time with your family and friends! Blondie will be in Vegas with Mama Blondie, which I hear is beautifully decorated this time of year! I love all you, Dear Readers.

Rude 'tude.

Here on the East Coast, we're getting some chilly weather lately.
Of course, that means colds, flus, what have you. I myself have been a little sneezy and my mother (a teacher) says a lot of her kids are going home sick.

Our hostess/manager tonight got a sneezing fit tonight and walked out into the foyer (we have a set of doors, a foyer, then the doors that actually lead into the restaurant). As she did so, a customer came in and she ran back towards the end of the counter to wait it out. So I grab a menu and say to the lady, "Hi, one this evening?"
"Wow, she saw me coming and didn't even hold the door!"
"Uhm.... ma'am, she's currently sneezing."
"Well, THAT'S no excuse."
"....Oookay, I'm going to seat you right over here."

Isn't it? Isn't it though? You would rather have someone sneeze in your face in order to hold the door for your royal ass, than try and get away quickly? How self-entitled do you have to be?

All this after I had to spend five minutes explaining what chicken fingers were to someone... maybe a full moon?

Happy Turkey Day!

Thank you so much, Dear Reader, for staying loyal.
I feel like I have stories, but I just do not have the time! Bear with your little Anthropology major, she'll be Indiana Jones soon enough!

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday, and I am truly thankful for all of you!

I hope you voted!

I know I'm a little late, but I was in class all day and had a lovely nostalgic moment while voting at my old middle school. The gym seemed smaller...
Last election, I was completely uninterested. But due too much urging and much research, YES, it is your duty as an American citizen to vote today and I'm so glad I did.
Whether you are Republican or Democrat (or just believe in parties), I hope you made your voice heard!

A conversation I unfortunately had tonight.

Blondie: "So, can I get you anything else tonight?"
Douchebag: "Well, don't we get... extras?" Said in a tone that implied a wink.
B: "Well, sir, yours comes with a dessert, but unfortunately, hers is not a dinner and doesn't come with it."
DB: "Well.. she could still get an.. extra, right?" He might have actually winked at that point. I knew where he was going with this.
B: "Well... if you.. pay for it..."
DB: "Well, do we... have to?"
B: "Yes. That's how we make our money in a restaurant. We give people food and we charge them for it."
DB: "What, you don't feel like being nice?"
B: "Very rarely, sir. I'll give you a few minutes to think about it."

Like, come on dude. You look desperate, cheap, and pathetic.

Sometimes you can't help yourself.

I don't like rednecks. I don't like their dirty clothes, dirty faces, dirty jokes, etc.
We have one group, three couples total I believe, that come in various combinations. They are all.. so special. They've been.. tolerable so far. They leave 18% usually, and as long as I'm in a good mood and don't take them too seriously I only get mildly annoyed.
However, for some reason, when three of them came in on Monday, I just was not having it. We were busy and already had my pissy pants on. So I grabbed their drinks and their food order with minimal interaction, and got it started. The woman (who honestly seemed a little drunk, she kept putting her head down on the table) ordered a roast half chicken, which takes ten minutes when we're not busy. After about five minutes, I noticed they were glaring at me every time I walked by. I smiled, I got refills without speaking to them, I carried on my merry way. About five minutes after THAT, (so we just hit ten minutes on a dinner that would take at least that long on a good night) my MOD says, "Blondie, you need set-ups for table 4."
The head redneck (headneck?) yells across the diner, "YEAH, and we need our dinner!"
MOD and I both looked over in shock, and I couldn't stop myself. "Well, do you want it now, or do you want it to be cooked?"
Luckily it was awesome MOD and she just bust out laughing and we went in the kitchen where I told her the whole story.
Her response? "Fuuuuuck them."

I can't stop giggling.

We have this one couple, the guy is just some fat douche with a low IQ, and the woman is on.. something. Some sort of pills. She's always really slow and really loopy. But that's pretty much irrelevant. They came in the other night, and someone else was their server.
I overheard this: "What are your vadge-tables today?"

And now I can't stop thinking of a garden growing out of a lady's crotch and I'm crying laughing.

My second complaint in five years.

Was also a bunch of horseshit. So on Mondays, I'm all alone from 2-4. Last Monday was Labor Day, we weren't expecting to get busy, but we had a little hit. I wasn't worried, I ran my little tail off and got shit done.
I had one table of kinda trashy women. A mom and two daughters. They were a little annoying, a little needy, but by no means the worst I had seen. At one point, the mom asked me, "Are you all alone?" I told her, "Yes, until four! We usually don't expect this many customers at this time, so I appreciate your patience." Or some other crap I didn't mean. I appreciate your fat ass ordering and stop trying to make conversation because I know you see three other tables flagging me down.
The table next to them was also a couple dicks. Those geriatrics figure they did their waiting to get to 100 years of age, they shouldn't have to wait 5 more for their well done hamburger. I come over with their food, smiley and bubbly as usual.
"Here we go! Thanks for bearing with me, hopefully it will be worth the wait!"
"Oh... we thought you forgot about us!"
"No, ma'am, how could I forget you? But as you can see, we just have me and one cook so I have my hands full! Let me refill your water, I'll be right back!" It's amazing how serving can teach you to make your face and mouth do the exact opposite of the murderous thoughts in your brain.

So, I continue running around, but make sure everyone has as much attention as I can give them and never take the stupid goony fake-ass grin off my face. I check back with the three fatties, "oh, everything's fine, everything's fine." "Okay guys, if there's nothing else, I'll be right back with your check!"

After things had died down and the MOD and I are clearing up, she says, "That table on 6 complained about you. She said you had an attitude and snapped at the table next to them, charged them wrong, and that we should look into getting better help. She said she wouldn't be back." ..Well, that explains the lack of tip. But the promise of them not returning was a nice thought. I told her the real story and we giggled and thought nothing more of it.

Well, she came back today (liar!), and complained to her waitress, other customers, and finally the owner. She claimed I charged her wrong (I didn't, but the manager took the money off that day anyway so she would shut up and leave), and got nasty with her. In her story, she made an innocent and simple request - more ranch, I assume - and I barked at her, "Can't you see I'm all alone here?!"
The MOD from Labor Day tried to explain to the boss that is NOT what happened, but he's of the 'the customer is always right' camp and wouldn't listen. Luckily, he also hates confrontation with the parties involved and said nothing to me.

I was upset for about 2.5 seconds that there was a lie about me going around.. but then, I just couldn't make myself care more than that. I've been at the place five years, everyone knows I would never do anything like that to a customer. So fat bitch liar cuntsucking motherfucker, you can eat my dick.

Please don't store my body parts in jars.

I have missed you all!
If you are curious about my non-waitressing life, I'm starting school again in one week and I am nervous as hell to be back on campus. I've been spending way too much time at the pool and maybe too much time in the bars. I have a new love interest, I think this one is sticking around. Help me think of a nickname! I have one in mind, but it's extremely embarrassing.

Today, I'm going to write about the Navy Man. The Navy Man is a total creep, and all waitresses (and I'm sure waiters too) will recognize the picture I'm going to put in your head.
He's short-ish, maybe 5'7". Late 50's maybe. Average looking dude, might even be semi-attractive if he were taller and not so damn creepy. The kind of person that watches you as you perform your other tasks. The kind of person that wants to know your name and uses it excessively. The kind of person you can feel undressing you with their eyes.
Just a few examples of the weird things he has done to me personally:

• I experimented with red lipstick one day, he told me I was beautiful when I got done up and said I looked like a 'true American girl.' Oh, okay.
• Asked me if I had been on vacation after a few sessions in the tanning salon, when I asked, "oh, do I look tanner?" He just gave me a creepy smile and a weird laugh. Uhm...
• Told me he dated a girl while in the Navy with the same name as I. Told me she used to write to him and drive him crazy, telling him about the short skirts she would wear and how all the guys would look at her, while eyeing up at my legs. 
• Brought me in a picture of his ex-wife and told me she comes in the diner a lot, said he saw her there with the man she left him for. 
• Countless uncomfortable eye contact and general staring.

I can't bring to mind the weird stuff the other girls have told me, but.. terrifying, right? Gives you the feeling he's going to take you home and wear your skin like Buffalo Bill. 

Have you ever been so drunk...

That you tried to stab someone?

If you're our dishwasher from last night, raise your hand!
I left about an hour before close, and shortly after ten got a text from the manager to call her ASAP.
So, I'm obviously just sitting in bed on the internet because I have no life, and I call her.
Apparently, our perpetually drunk dishwasher - who's sometimes verbally argued with coworkers but is usually aware enough of what he's doing and does a pretty good job, at that - had a little too much.
The cook went over to his area to get a pan or something and the dishwasher went after him. The cook didn't fight with him or anything, just grabbed him enough to try and get him out of the diner.
Then the dishwasher grabbed a knife and started swinging it, catching the cook on the hand, unfortunately not too badly. Anyway, the owners were called and I'm not sure how, but between the couple men that were there, they managed to get him out.

I knew his drinking was getting a little worse lately, but I never imagined it would escalate to something like that. The dishwasher lives in the employee house and has been fired and brought back multiple times - I wonder what will happen now.