I have been up since 5 and I have work at 9.
For some reason, I'm just absolutely DREADING these exchanges:
"Something to drink?"
"A shot and a beer!"
We don't serve alcohol at my restaurant.
"Sorry, sir, I drank the last of it when I saw you coming in and knew it was my turn."
"How would you like that burger cooked?"
"Well, on the grill, of course!"
"Oh, I was thinking if I stared at it and hoped long enough, it would come out medium-well."
"Can I get you anything else today?"
"A stack of fifties!" "A few hundreds!" "Someone to pay the bill!" etc, etc.
"If I had any of those things, do you think I'd be serving y'all's asses right now?"
"Here's your check whenever you're ready."
"Oh, we didn't want that!" "It's not on you today?" "Oh, I guess I'll have to head in the back to wash dishes!"
"I don't give a damn who pays it. Just pay it, tip me, and get the fuck out of my station."
"Do you know what you'd like to have?"
"In that case, I'll give you an extra helping of my earwax. I mean... that's food, right?"
I mean, if you say the SAME things EVERY time you go into ANY restaurant, can you really and truly think you're being original?
The only original (but still not amusing) thing I've heard recently was:
"Do you guys need a minute?"
"Why, are you giving them away?"