One time, I waited on a table of two truckers. Truckers drive me nuts. They are rude, inappropriate, and normally bad tippers to boot.
As I'm taking their order (well done steaks, taters and gravy, obviously), the one closer to me reaches his grimy-ass paw over, touches my apron and peeks in the pocket! Customers, don't touch your waitress. It's creepy.
So I made the appropriate shocked face, and said "Sir, WHAT are you doing?! There's nothing in there for you!"
They start giggling to themselves, and he says "Oh, I'm trying to find the money!"
I raise an eyebrow and tell him, "No, YOU have the money that will go in that pocket. I repeat, there is nothing in there for you."